I often wonder what Heavenly Father saw in me that made him think I could handle being a Mother to a perfect child. I know that in the beginning I blamed myself for his death but as the years have passed I have found it easier to cope with and I am now just starting to understand Heavenly Father's reason for taking Hayden away from us. He needed him more than we did, and I know that he is in Heaven watching out for us and keeping us all safe. I know that he is being well taken care of by my Grandma and Robert's Aunt Gwen. I count myself lucky to be his Mother, and know that we will be together again.
It helps that Sage & Aurora know who Hayden is and that we do talk about him every chance we get. They love to visit their brother and bring him presents. We take balloons, cars/trucks, flowers and anything we see that makes us think of him. We can't wait to be with him again, we are all anxiously awaiting the day when we can all laugh and play together.
This year we started a new tradition. We did it yesterday, since it would have meant spending money on Sunday. We decided that we would have a Family Day filled with fun, lunch and dinner out and then we would send him balloons for how many years old he is, so today we sent him 6 balloons. We attached a little note the the strings and we all signed it then the kids sent them floating off to Heaven for Hayden. Sage says... "Mommy, the balloons are going up to the sky for Hayden cause he's with Jesus. I miss Hayden Mommy". It makes me feel so good inside to hear him say those things about his big brother. Hopefully, Aurora will say those things soon too.
My friend just had a baby boy, and named her Son after Hayden. I feel so honored that she chose that name for her son, and cannot wait to meet him next week. We've decided that next year we are bringing Hayden down here to San Diego so we can be closer to him and visit whenever we want. I hope this year passes fast.