Always...

It's been two years, and while it seems like it was ages ago it also feels like it was just yesterday that my Mom and I were laying in bed talking and making each other laugh before she went to the Emergency Room.

The kids have been missing her a lot lately.We spent the day doing things that reminded us of my Mom and cuddling with the kids in her chair. She will always be in our hearts and her memory will forever live on.

One Year Ago...

...today my Mother's body left this world and her Spirit moved on. It's times like this that I really appreciate the Atonement and I'm so glad that I have the knowledge that I will see her again.

I went months without dreaming about her but in January of this year the dreams started and they pick up right where the last one left off, It has brought me so much comfort. The last year has been the most difficult time of my life, but I am happy to report that I have come a very long way in the last month and I look forward to what my future holds. I know that my Mom is here with me, cheering me on and comforting me and my family.

{this was taken 9 days before her death}

I am grateful for the example she set and while it is almost impossible to live up to, I am doing my best to make her proud. A few weeks after her passing I received a letter from her dear friends Terry and Belann Earley which said:

Joseph Smith said that women generally have by nature, generosity and largeness of soul. That is what I think when I consider my time with Maxine. She is the acme of that characterization.

I think of my 3 oldest girls who still, after 15 years have (and use) the quilts that Maxine tied for them when they were married.

I think of Kira, whose first car immediately blew its radiator, so Maxine and Sid quietly arranged for a replacement when we could not.

I think of the many times she would not come out of the kitchen to be recognized, but would work herself to exhaustion serving and cleaning up at countless events. Her car was always the first at the kitchen door and the last to leave.

I remember two daughters, sharing a wedding reception when we had no funds at all to pay, Maxine stretching our meager $700 to make it a memorable affair. Those decorations had been used dozens of times before and dozens of times since.

I remember that every single conversation we had when she served as our ward Relief Society president ended with her question, “Now Bishop, what can I do for you?”

As I sat through her services Monday, I looked around and realized that every single person in that room had been served in some way by her. That is why they were all there, to honor her.

How can a family or a ward replace such a woman? I am afraid we cannot. She is truly one in a million. The question is, could we be just a little more untiring as servants to others because she touched our lives?

Finally, when I read Revelation 7:13-17, I always think of my friend, Maxine, who now serves on the other side of the veil as her Savior smiles on her continuing efforts.

13 And one of the elders answered, saying unto me, What are these which are arrayed in white robes? and whence came they?
14 And I said unto him, Sir, thou knowest. And he said to me, These are they which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.
15 Therefore are they before the throne of God, and serve him day and night in his temple: and he that sitteth on the throne shall dwell among them.
16 They shall hunger no more, neither thirst any more; neither shall the sun light on them, nor any heat.
17 For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.  

We have a lot planned today to honor her and I'll post pictures later.

Eat Mor Chikin

Last Thursday night Sage and I headed out for some alone time. It was great to get away with my boy so he could have me 100% to himself. Our local Chick-fil-a was having a Mother/Son Date Night so Sage and I decided to take advantage of it.

We arrived and checked in and waited for our friends Marissa & Keenan who joined us. We were shown to our table where a menu and our names were waiting at a table for all four of us. The boys played games and did some art while we ate. It was so nice to be waited on for a change. After dinner we had some Ice Cream and played some games where Sage won a FREE Breakfast and a Chick-fil-a Baseball.



Grieving

Today has been one of those days that really makes you think. It hit me today that everyone really does grieve differently.

After the devastating loss of my Mother I find myself bring stronger than I ever thought I could be. It's amazing how well I'm doing actually, given my depression and other death issues. It it still a struggle to get up every morning and convince myself to be a mother and a wife. It takes making a chore list like a kid has for me to get household stuff taken care of, but I am coping the only way I know how. Others who shall remain nameless are moving way too fast through the grieving process for my liking. My Mom was and is the most amazing woman I have ever known and I don't uunderstand how people can just move on so fast.

It really hurts to know that people are already forgetting her. My goal for my children is that they never forget her.

My Mother, My Friend

I've been putting off writing this because it would mean that this horrible tragedy was real and I was really trying to avoid it. Here's it goes.

Those who were close to me knew that my Mother was undergoing her third round of Chemotherapy. She had been fighting Cancer bravely for 8 years and lost her battle earlier this month on August 18th, 2010.

My mother was the most amazing woman to ever live on this planet. She was the perfect example of Christ-like love and service. She never put her needs first and always took care of others. My close friends also know that my Mother was my best friend in the world. We loved to be together and laugh together. She was there for me at the major points in my life. She would hold me and let me cry about boys who broke my heart in high school, she was there after I got engaged and when I got married. She was there when Hayden died and helped me mourn him. She was in the room with me holding my hands when both Sage & Aurora were born.

She was also Sage & Aurora's second bed. She loved to take naps with them and hold them in her chair. They knew they could always come and sit with her and most times talk her into letting them sleep there at night with her

Her favorite place to be was with her children and especially her grandchildren. They all loved her more than anything. She will me missed by our entire family and many friends.

This is the only picture I have of her with me and Aurora. She was not one who liked having her picture taken. She taught me many things and unfortunately for me I never learned to sew. I want to be just like her and hopefully one day I will be able to make her proud of me.

I miss her everyday and think of her every second of the day. In fact, she is what keeps me going.